You Can Wonderlic My Balls Capi-tan

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Alert the media! Tim Tebow scored!

...a 22 on the Wonderlic test (out of 50). Just kidding, the media already knows. The scores were leaked via Tweet by Edgar Thompson, a Dolphins beat writer with the Palm Beach Post, and now everybody knows. It seems to be a big deal for a people associated with the NFL Draft. Much was made of Vince Young scoring a 6 in 2005. Even last year, a red flag was raised when Percy Harvin scored a 12. Maybe that is how he chose his jersey number. Incidentally, both players managed to win Rookie of the Year honors. I guess it really only begs one question:

Does the Wonderlic test matter?

I personally don't think so. But in order to get a little perspective, I decided to sample the test. I found two different abbreviated versions of the test online. I scored a 39 on the version ESPN posted on Page 2 a few years ago. I also scored a 45 on this other one I found. Obviously, the results I got were not official in any capacity, or even valid. Nonetheless, it is cool to know that I would make a great NFL player. I mean, that is what my scores mean, right?

The Wonderlic test is given to millions of job applicants each year in professions outside of professional sports. It aims to quantify general mental ability, which is in a sense, the ability to learn. 20 is the average score, which indicates an IQ of 100. The average score for a chemist is 32, and 15 for a warehouse worker (21 for the average NFL player). That makes sense. Chemists are required to be more educated than warehouse workers to perform the functions of their given occupations. I understand why employers test applicants. Intelligence is a good indicator of occupational success in many fields, but mainly because physical attributes play such a small role in most professions. So why does the NFL administer the Wonderlic test when the main criteria for success is physical ability?

Although they have found some trends regarding players positions as they relate to scores, there has been no significant link between a high score and a successful career, or vice versa. Just for fun, here are the average scores by position:

(note: If I was Jemelle Hill, I would probably decry the racism inherent in the testing, but that is a different conversation altogether.) 

Offensive Tackle: 26

Center: 25 

Quarterback: 24

Guard: 23

Tight end: 22

Safety: 19

Middle Linebacker: 19

Cornerback: 18

Wide Reciever: 17

Fullback: 17

Runningback: 16

If there was a position that required a higher Wonderlic score I imagine it would be quarterback. They are required to read defenses, make decisions quickly and adjust on the fly. It is unquestionably the most involved position to play in any sport. Here are some notable scores by quarterbacks:

Ryan Fitzpatrick: 48- Harvard graduate. Finished in 9 minutes. Career backup.

Alex Smith: 40- Biggest QB bust of the decade. 

Eli Manning: 39- Can also lick Oreos faster than his big brother can. 

Matt Leinart: 35- Impressive, considering he was probably drunk.

Tom Brady: 33- *sigh* I guess thats why New England drafted him.

John Beck: 30- *sigh* I guess that's why Miami drafted him.

Brady Quinn: 29- May be a bust, but too early still.

Drew Brees: 28- Best QB in the league. Solid score

Peyton Manning: 28- Best QB in the league. Solid score.

Ryan Leaf: 27- I thought he was dumb. Nope. Just crazy.

Brett Favre: 22- Let's hope Tebow can mimic his career too.

Vince Young: 16- But he got a 6 on his first try. No joke.

Dan Marino: 15- More of a doer, than a thinker.

Terry Bradshaw: 15- "Couldn't spell C-A-T if you spotted him the C and T."

Donovan McNabb: 14- Yet he still manages to avoid INTs.

Jeff George: 10- "A score of 10 is literacy." -C. Wonderlic Jr.

Chris Leak: 8- answered 8 of 12 questions correctly then said "Fuck this. I'm out."

Obviously if Wonderlic scores were indicators of NFL success, Fitzpatrick and Smith would replace Favre and Marino in the Hall of Fame. But as you can plainly see, Wonderlic scores are no better of a predictor of NFL success than the 40-yard dash (Jerry Rice ran a 4.71, Emmitt Smith ran a 4.8). In my estimation, only 10% of the information gathered from all the the cone drills, sprint drills, and aptitude tests actually help measure future success. The reason scouts force players to go through all of the rigmarole is so in the end when the players that they drafted fail, scouts can use these scores as a crutch. When they draft a bust, nobody can say they didn't do their due diligence. 

This year's marquee quarterbacks:

Sam Bradford: 36

Colt McCoy: 25

Jimmy Clausen: 23

Tim Tebow: 22

Let's see how this plays out.

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Fun Wonderlic Fact: Frank Gore (who graduated from my high school a year ahead of me) scored a 6. He's Dyslexic. Literally. No pun intended. He took a verbal test later on and scored higher. (That is only the second time in my life when I actually meant it when I said "no pun intended." Practically every time someone says "no pun intended" they do so because they went out of their way to make a pun. Fuckers.)

Before you go, watch this remembering these words Todd McShay uttered less than a month ago: "[Tebow] will not make it in the NFL; I'm sure of it."

Cold Hard Bullshit

I was on the Cold Hard Football Facts (CHFF) website the other day, and I found an article by an obvious Marino hater. First and foremost, it is only right that I let you know how I feel about Dan Marino and the Miami Dolphins. I grew up in Miami, and was born during Marino's rookie year. He was my boyhood idol, and could argue till I was blue in the face that he was the greatest athlete, and the Dolphins were the greatest team in the history of sport (Shula is NFL's best football coach ever. That one is not debatable). Unfortunately, I grew up (kinda). I still love the Dolphins, but can concede that the Steelers and Cowboys are a stronger franchises. And I know that there is no concrete determination as to who is the NFL's all-time greatest quarterback.

To examine whether or not this guy's article has any sort of validity, I am going to break down the accuracy and relevance of some of the statements he made. That is your cue to read the article, if you have twice ignored the links I posted.

I am sure you have all heard the phrase "the numbers don't lie." Chances are, the person who you heard it from just got done lying to you through cleverly fabricated statistics. Numbers can be made to say just about anything you want them to. That is why I find much of what this article says is absurd. The point of this post is not to prove that Marino is the greatest QB of all-time, it is to refute the assertion that Dan Marino was "the real reason Miami never won a Super Bowl in the 80's and 90's." 

To say that a particular team or player should win a Super Bowl is shortsighted at best. While there are a few teams each year that could win it all, nothing in this league is guaranteed, and there are a lot of things that have to come together to win a Super Bowl. Let's examine the assertion that Dan Marino should have won a Super Bowl in his career. To do so, you must first understand what it takes to win a Super Bowl; or more accurately, what it took to win a Super Bowl from 1983-1999.

Defense
A good defense is vital to winning championships. During Marino's career, Super Bowl winners have averaged the 4th best scoring defense. Only one of those teams ranked outside the top 8 (Raiders 1983, 13th). So it is fairly safe to say "you had to have a top 8 scoring defense to win a Super Bowl." By that standard, Marino played on only 4 teams with defenses good enough to win the Super Bowl ('83, '84, '90, '98).

CHFF argues that Marino played on teams with defenses strong enough to win a Super Bowl. While that statement in itself is factual, having the top ranked defense does not guarantee a Super Bowl victory. Only 4 out of the top-ranked defenses won the Super Bowl during Marino's career. Miami twice boasted the league's top-ranked scoring defense during Marino's tenure, his rookie year ('83) and his penultimate season  ('98). A defense, no matter how good it is, needs some help.

Rushing Offense
You are not going to find many successful teams that run the ball poorly. During the period in question, the average rushing offense for Super Bowl winners was ranked 5th in the league, with no team finishing outside the top 11. Miami on the other hand never finished higher than 13th in the league in rushing. Seems awfully hard to win a championship like that.

Sometimes total rushing yards tells you how often a team rushes, not necessarily how efficient they are at it. For argument's sake let's look at the yards per carry (YPC) stats for the Super Bowl winners. They have ranked an average of 8th in YPC, and all but two of them finished in the top half of the league. So would you say it is fair to say "to win a Super Bowl, one must be among the top half of the league of rushing efficiency?" That is not a lofty standard by any means. Unfortunately, Marino's Dolphins finished in the top half of that category only three times in his career ('86, '87, '94).

Five out six SB winners who finished outside the top ten in rushing YPC had a top-3 defense to help counteract their average running game. That said, I conclude that "to win with an average running game, you must have a top-3 defense." Marino could only wish for an average rushing attack to help him out, much less a good one. Only 5 of his 17 seasons did he have a rushing attack that could even be considered "average" (better than 20th).

Balance

The adage that says "defense wins championships" is only half-true. The other half should say "rushing wins championships" because you can't win in January without both. When the temperature drops, and snow starts falling, you have to be able to run the football if you are going to have success. In the playoffs, teams that throw the ball 45 times in a game are 11-60 all-time (.154 win pct.). When a team throws the ball 40 times, they are 29-117 (.198 win pct.). Conversely, teams are unbeaten (32-0) in the playoffs when they have a player rush the ball 30 times.  In playoff games when they have a player rush the ball 25+ times, they are 109-23 (.825 win pct.). Marino played in 6 playoff games (1-5 rec.) where he was forced to throw the football 45+ times, and only once in his career did Marino have a RB rush the ball 25 times in a playoff game. It was Karim Abdul-Jabbar in 1999. They won. Here is some perspective: Marino played 242 games in his career. In only 23 of those games did he have a RB run the ball 25 times. Terrell Davis had 25+ carries in a game 19 times during Denver's  back to back Super Bowl run. Football is the ultimate team game, and that is why it is ridiculous to crucify one player for failing to win a championship. There are 45 players (and 12 coaches) that can impact the game; no single player can do it himself.

Let's examine the years Marino had either a defense or a running game (YPC and total yards included) competent enough to help him win a Super Bowl:

1983- Rushing 13th (23rd YPC), Defense 1st- This season Miami had a solid chance at winning a Super Bowl. Unfortunately, rookie QBs don't win Super Bowls. Marino emerged as a starter in week 5 and lit it up, being the only rookie QB ever elected to start a Pro Bowl. Can't ask for much more from a rookie QB. Marino didn't play specifically well in Miami's playoff loss to Seattle (2 TD, 2 INT). In hindsight, it was probably Marino's best chance to hoist the Lombardi trophy, as the Raiders were the weakest Super Bowl champion during Marino's era.

1984- Rushing 16th (16th), Defense 7th- Marino's second best (and probably last real) chance to win a Super Bowl. Marino had the greatest statistical season by any QB before or since. His defense and rushing attack was more than good enough to get to the Super Bowl. They made it there, but unfortunately, they had to play the 5th greatest team of all time.

1986- Rushing 25th (4th), Defense 26th- Marino had another all-time great season, but it wasn't enough to overcome a defense gave up 30+ points 7 times. If you can score 45 points and lose, you know you have a problem. No chance.

1987- Rushing 24th (10th), Defense 16th- Solid Pro Bowl season by Marino. The offense scored 20+ points in 5 losses. The defense wasn't absolutely terrible, but, it wasn't Super Bowl quality.

1990- Rushing 27th (28th), Defense 4th- Great defense, terrible running game. In the Divisional round of the playoffs, Marino scored 4 TDs (2 int), and the "great" defense imploded, giving up 44 points in a loss to Buffalo.

1994- Rushing 13th (10th), Defense 17th- Marino came back from a torn achilles tendon to make the Pro Bowl. An average defense and running game will get a great QB to the 2nd round of the playoffs. That's what happened here. Marino had 3 TD (0 int) in a 1 point loss to San Diego. Miami was out-rushed 202-26 (you can't win with that line), and the difference in the game was a safety against Miami RB Bernie Parmalee.

1998- Rushing 24th (30th), Defense 1st- This was Jimmy Johnson's smashmouth team. Unfortunately, J.J. forgot to draft a runningback competent enough to carry the load. It was Marino's penultimate season, and his health/skills were on the decline. Still, he lead them to the Divisional round of the playoffs. Miami got worked by a team J.J. wanted to be like. Marino did not play well (2 int), but he had no help whatsoever. Denver outrushed Miami 250-14, and Miami's defense surrendered 38 points. If Miami had Terrell Davis, and Denver had  Karim Abdul-Jabbar, my guess is that Marino, not Elway, is the one riding off into the sunset.

Unfortunately, it is apparent that Marino never had the luxury of having a competent running game and defense in the same season. He was forced to either shoulder the entire burden of the offense by himself, or help his offense score more points than his swiss cheese defense surrendered. That is not a Super Bowl winning formula. After researching this guy's tired article, I submit that they change the name of their website to Cold Hard Football Opinions Cleverly Disguised as Facts Through the Magic of Skewed Statistics.

You're fucking out.

V-Unit Rolls Deep

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Anything I can do, Suggs can do better...or so she thinks. For your reading pleasure, Suggs has put together her own celebrity entourage.

After reading Roby's obscenely A-list celebrity (editor's note: it is not) B-list entourage, Mike asked me if he could use Mel Gibson (editor's note: awesome pick. It would help keep those damned Jews away)...but now for my genuinely B-list celebrity entourage, and this is all based on the person's seemingly real personality, not on characters they play. If I went by characters they played, I'd pick Logan Echolls, Dan Marino, and Larry the Cable Guy. But since I am going on who these people really are, I can't pick them. The guy who played Logan is a Scientologist, everyone I know that has met Dan Marino has told me he is the biggest fucking asshole, and Larry the Cable Guy is not attractive enough for my entourage. On to my actual list...

(Editor's note: That was an unnecessary barb taken at the Editor's team's most famous quarterback, most likely because Suggs is still bitter that she lost her team's most famous quarterback to a fully legal and clean hit by Bernard Pollard last year. She was reminded when Pollard scored a TD against the Patriots in last week's season finale. Also, Wes Welker tore his ACL and MCL in that game. Guess who made the tackle on the play.)

Mike Epps- This dude is funny. He smokes weed in every movie he is in, so most likely in real life too. He's good friends with Ice-T which is a good connection to have (editor's note: you cannot mention Ice-T without mentioning Ice Cube). He is a pretty steady working actor so he wouldn't be a mooch in the entourage. He doesn't appear in anything too retarded (editor's note: "Malibu's Most Wanted") and I've never heard anything bad about him. I also appreciate how he was able to keep the "Friday" franchise alive after the departure of Chris Tucker- not an easy feat. He'd be a solid acquistion.

Eric Roberts- He is my obligatory celebrity sibling. His sister is like the most famous actress in the world so that's an awesome connection, on the minus side they aren't very close but she is close to his daughter so it could still be a benefit. In terms of Eric himself he seems to have a decent sense of humor and can probably score some good pot and possibly some other shit that you may not expect. He is also willing to parody himself.

Matt Leinhart- My posse needs an athlete, and it's gotta be one that parties. Matt Leinhart works, Tim Tebow would not (plus he'd get all the attention). Leinhart doesn't concern himself with trivial things other athletes do, like starting or playing time or any of that other bullshit that cuts into drinking time, so he'd always be down to party. Plus he seems too hang out with a lot of Hollywood partiers so he'd be a good connection to any kind of pharmaceuticals the rest of the entourage needed.

Lil' John- Do I need to explain this...?

Hank Williams Jr.- Because my entourage would be the realest one around. Since all his rowdy friends have settled down, he could use some new ones. Bonus: I think he'd be able to drink me under the table, which is a pretty rare trait and I respect that.

Bill Simmons- I agree with most of his points about sports, plus we share a passion for the same sports teams and it's always good to have someone to root along with.

Chelsea Handler- She likes vodka and she's sarcastic. We'd get along great.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Cast- They all write the show and they'd be good to come through every once in awhile to shoot the shit and get really fucked up with.

Katt Williams- Solid weed connection, friends with snoop and Nick Cannon-Carey. Makes hilariously bad choices that would amuse the whole group.

Kim Kardashian- She's hot and is always invited to the best parties but she doesn't drink, so she'd be a perfect DD.

Tara Reid- Every entourage needs one washed up (NSFW) has been. And she knows how to party.

Jeff VanVonderen- He's the bald interventionist from "Intervention." You never know when you'll need a quick intervention, plus I've heard every so often Jeff falls off the wagon and he'd be insane to party with.

That was my celebrity entourage... I'm watching Mike work on his right now so hopefully we will be back with that one later.