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Well, It's that time of year again, and ABC Family is a solid week into their "25 Days of Christmas" shitty movie marathon. They have already shown such winners as "The Dog Who Saved Christmas," as well as "Holiday in Handcuffs," Both of which star A.C.Slater. We should thank him for taking time out of his busy schedule of doing absolutely nothing to film these epic movies. It makes me yearn for the days when J.T.T. was making Christmas movies. Inexplicably, all four Harry Potter movies are on the "25 Days..." lineup. Somewhere there is a link between the birth of Christ, and wizardry, but I can't seem to find it. Besidess, Hermione is legal now, so there is really no reason to watch Harry Potter anyway.
Well, It's that time of year again, and ABC Family is a solid week into their "25 Days of Christmas" shitty movie marathon. They have already shown such winners as "The Dog Who Saved Christmas," as well as "Holiday in Handcuffs," Both of which star A.C.Slater. We should thank him for taking time out of his busy schedule of doing absolutely nothing to film these epic movies. It makes me yearn for the days when J.T.T. was making Christmas movies. Inexplicably, all four Harry Potter movies are on the "25 Days..." lineup. Somewhere there is a link between the birth of Christ, and wizardry, but I can't seem to find it. Besidess, Hermione is legal now, so there is really no reason to watch Harry Potter anyway.
Since we are going to continue to be bombarded with sub-par Christmas movies for the remainder of the month, I started thinking about the few good ones that they have made over the years. For all you movie-lovers out there, I have compiled a list of the ten best Christmas movies of all time.
10. The Santa Clause (1994)- Kinda cheesy, but I liked it. They took the cliche' (bah humbugger learns to love Christmas) and made it work by killing off Santa. Plus Judge Reinhold rocks the Cosby sweater like a sexual deviant.
9. The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)- There was always an inherent genius in anything Henson produced. That sentiment was magnified when he made Charles Dickens tolerable. Gonzo's nose looks like a smurf dick.
8. Die Hard (1988)- I guess it isn't really a Christmas movie per se, but it does take place on Christmas eve. Besides, any top-ten movie list that doesn't include Die Hard has no credibility, so I had to include it.
7. Jingle All The Way (1996)- Any movie with The Governator, Phil Hartman (most underrated comedian of all time), and Sinbad (the most windbreaker-clad comedian of all time) deserves a spot on this list. It's turbo time motherfuckers!
6. A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)- You can't fuck with a classic like this. Charlie Brown and his sorry piece of shit tree are still the #1 underdogs of all time.
5. Scrooged (1988)- Vintage Bill Murray. This movie taught me how to be a dick to everybody.That's learning from the best. Goulet!...has a cameo in this bitch. 'Nuff said.
4. Home Alone (1990)- This is the bad son before he went "Good." This is Pesci's most badass role since Goodfellas. In fact, he filmed these roles simultaneously, removing that sweet wig for Home Alone.
3. A Christmas Story (1983)- This movie is so good, TBS plays that shit for 24 straight hours. After this movie was released, instances of kids shooting their eyes out dropped 88%.
2. Bad Santa (2003)- Midgets, drunkenness, and the mom from Gilmore Girls. What more do you faggots need?
1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)- Not only is it the best Christmas movie, it is the best Vacation movie. I don't care what any of you fucks say, Chevy Chase is a goddamn genius. And Randy Quaid is a god.
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