V-Unit Rolls Deep

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Anything I can do, Suggs can do better...or so she thinks. For your reading pleasure, Suggs has put together her own celebrity entourage.

After reading Roby's obscenely A-list celebrity (editor's note: it is not) B-list entourage, Mike asked me if he could use Mel Gibson (editor's note: awesome pick. It would help keep those damned Jews away)...but now for my genuinely B-list celebrity entourage, and this is all based on the person's seemingly real personality, not on characters they play. If I went by characters they played, I'd pick Logan Echolls, Dan Marino, and Larry the Cable Guy. But since I am going on who these people really are, I can't pick them. The guy who played Logan is a Scientologist, everyone I know that has met Dan Marino has told me he is the biggest fucking asshole, and Larry the Cable Guy is not attractive enough for my entourage. On to my actual list...

(Editor's note: That was an unnecessary barb taken at the Editor's team's most famous quarterback, most likely because Suggs is still bitter that she lost her team's most famous quarterback to a fully legal and clean hit by Bernard Pollard last year. She was reminded when Pollard scored a TD against the Patriots in last week's season finale. Also, Wes Welker tore his ACL and MCL in that game. Guess who made the tackle on the play.)

Mike Epps- This dude is funny. He smokes weed in every movie he is in, so most likely in real life too. He's good friends with Ice-T which is a good connection to have (editor's note: you cannot mention Ice-T without mentioning Ice Cube). He is a pretty steady working actor so he wouldn't be a mooch in the entourage. He doesn't appear in anything too retarded (editor's note: "Malibu's Most Wanted") and I've never heard anything bad about him. I also appreciate how he was able to keep the "Friday" franchise alive after the departure of Chris Tucker- not an easy feat. He'd be a solid acquistion.

Eric Roberts- He is my obligatory celebrity sibling. His sister is like the most famous actress in the world so that's an awesome connection, on the minus side they aren't very close but she is close to his daughter so it could still be a benefit. In terms of Eric himself he seems to have a decent sense of humor and can probably score some good pot and possibly some other shit that you may not expect. He is also willing to parody himself.

Matt Leinhart- My posse needs an athlete, and it's gotta be one that parties. Matt Leinhart works, Tim Tebow would not (plus he'd get all the attention). Leinhart doesn't concern himself with trivial things other athletes do, like starting or playing time or any of that other bullshit that cuts into drinking time, so he'd always be down to party. Plus he seems too hang out with a lot of Hollywood partiers so he'd be a good connection to any kind of pharmaceuticals the rest of the entourage needed.

Lil' John- Do I need to explain this...?

Hank Williams Jr.- Because my entourage would be the realest one around. Since all his rowdy friends have settled down, he could use some new ones. Bonus: I think he'd be able to drink me under the table, which is a pretty rare trait and I respect that.

Bill Simmons- I agree with most of his points about sports, plus we share a passion for the same sports teams and it's always good to have someone to root along with.

Chelsea Handler- She likes vodka and she's sarcastic. We'd get along great.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Cast- They all write the show and they'd be good to come through every once in awhile to shoot the shit and get really fucked up with.

Katt Williams- Solid weed connection, friends with snoop and Nick Cannon-Carey. Makes hilariously bad choices that would amuse the whole group.

Kim Kardashian- She's hot and is always invited to the best parties but she doesn't drink, so she'd be a perfect DD.

Tara Reid- Every entourage needs one washed up (NSFW) has been. And she knows how to party.

Jeff VanVonderen- He's the bald interventionist from "Intervention." You never know when you'll need a quick intervention, plus I've heard every so often Jeff falls off the wagon and he'd be insane to party with.

That was my celebrity entourage... I'm watching Mike work on his right now so hopefully we will be back with that one later.